Forums Divesting & Dating OutStarted dating outside my race after moving to Atlanta and it’s been a learning curve

Started dating outside my race after moving to Atlanta and it’s been a learning curve

18 posts

I moved to Atlanta from Milwaukee about 8 months ago and kind of realized pretty fast that my usual dating pool was not gonna cut it here. Back home I mostly dated Black women, just because that’s who I was around, and I never really thought much about “dating out” as a thing. Here though, between Hinge, coffee shops in Midtown, and just meeting people through friends, I’ve ended up talking to women from all kinds of backgrounds more than I ever did before. It’s been good overall, but I’m also noticing how awkward I get when I feel like I’m supposed to explain myself or prove I’m not fetishizing anybody. I had one date with a Latina woman from Decatur and I honestly felt like I was overthinking every sentence. She was cool, but I left feeling like I was trying too hard to be careful. For the people who’ve been doing this longer, do you just relax and treat it like any other date, or are there conversations you make sure to have early on?

Mar 18

2 replies

Test User

#1 · Mar 19

Honestly, treat it like a normal date first. I think people can tell when you’re in your head the whole time. I’m in Charlotte and I started dating outside my race after a divorce, and the biggest thing I learned was to just be respectful and curious without making it weird. If you’re genuinely interested in the person, that comes through way more than trying to say the perfect thing. The only time I’ve had issues is when I forced a convo about race too early just to show I was “aware.” That usually made the whole thing stiff. Let the relationship breathe a little, then talk about what matters if it comes up naturally.

Tyler R.

#2 · Mar 19

I get what you mean. I’m a Black woman in Houston and I’ve dated outside my race on and off for years, and the biggest red flag for me is when somebody acts like they’re auditioning to prove they’re woke enough. It gets exhausting. If someone is respectful, consistent, and doesn’t make me feel like a checkbox, I’m good. I’d say just ask normal questions, be direct, and don’t assume you need to say something deep on date one. If a topic comes up, fine, but you don’t have to carry the whole weight of interracial dating on your shoulders every time you meet somebody for drinks at Postino or whatever.