ForumsInterfaith & Interracial RelationshipsNeed advice on wedding ceremony stuff when our families want totally different things
Need advice on wedding ceremony stuff when our families want totally different things
My fiancée and I are planning our wedding for next spring in Chicago, and the ceremony conversation has been... a lot. I’m Puerto Rican and Catholic, she’s Nigerian and comes from a Muslim family, and both sides have very strong opinions. We met through Bumble and honestly everything else has been pretty easy compared to this part.
Her family would love something simple and respectful, but my mom keeps bringing up a church ceremony, a lasso, padrinos, the whole thing. We’ve talked about doing a non-religious ceremony with some cultural pieces from both sides, but then I worry it will feel incomplete to everyone. We also want to avoid making it look like one faith is being erased. If you’ve done an interfaith/interracial wedding, how did you choose what to include without turning it into a political debate at family dinner?
3d ago
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2 repliesJ
James T.We did this last year, and I wish somebody had told me earlier that you can’t design a wedding to make every relative fully happy. My husband is Indian Hindu and I’m White Lutheran, and our ceremony in Seattle ended up being a mix: short non-denominational vows, a family blessing from each side, and little nods to both cultures in the food and music.
The key for us was sitting down with the families separately before any details got locked in. My dad was disappointed about no church aisle moment, but once he saw the pieces we were keeping, he relaxed. I think people need time to grieve their expectations a little. If you can, find a neutral officiant who understands interfaith stuff and will keep the ceremony feeling intentional instead of random.
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Andre M.PREMIUMI’d say keep the ceremony about you two first, not the parents. Easier said than done, I know. I’m Black and my husband is Armenian, and both families tried to turn our wedding into a referendum on culture. We finally said, “This is the version that reflects our actual relationship,” and stuck with it.
We included one reading from his side, one from mine, and had a small candle-lighting moment that felt meaningful without leaning too hard into one religion. There were still a few complaints, especially from older relatives, but nobody left confused about who we are as a couple. If you try to satisfy everybody, you’ll end up with a ceremony that feels like committee work.
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