Forums Native American & Indigenous InterracialNeed advice: my boyfriend wants to bring me around his family for Thanksgiving and I’m nervous

Need advice: my boyfriend wants to bring me around his family for Thanksgiving and I’m nervous

Priya Patel

PREMIUM

14 posts

Priya PatelPREMIUM

So I’m Native and my boyfriend is Black, and we’ve been together almost 2 years. We live in Seattle now, but I’m originally from a small town in Idaho, and he’s from Oakland. We get along great one-on-one, and he’s honestly the first person I’ve dated who never makes weird comments about my family or asks dumb stereotype stuff. Still, holidays make me anxious. Last year we did Thanksgiving with his family and I felt okay, but this year he wants me to come to a bigger gathering at his aunt’s house and I’m already stressing. His side is loud, funny, everybody talks over each other, and I like them, but I always feel like I’m trying not to be “too quiet” or “too serious.” Then on my side, my cousins keep asking when he’s coming to our place again, and they do like him, but I can tell some of them are watching closely. I guess I’m asking, how do you relax and stop overthinking when you’re the one who feels different in the room? I don’t wanna act weird and make it weird, you know?

Mar 18

3 replies

Emily Chen

#1 · Mar 18

Girl, I could’ve written this. I’m Alaska Native and my husband is Black, and family holidays used to make me feel like I was being observed under a microscope. What helped me was giving myself one little job, like helping in the kitchen or bringing dessert, so I wasn’t just standing there feeling awkward. Also, you don’t have to match everybody’s energy. Quiet doesn’t mean rude. Sometimes people just need a minute to get used to each other.

Emily Chen

#2 · Mar 19

Honestly, the fact that you care this much tells me you’re probably gonna be fine. The people who are wrong for the room usually don’t worry about it. If his family already likes you, just keep being yourself and don’t force the small talk too hard. I’m Native and my ex used to say I looked “serious” around his family, but really I was just trying to read the room. Now I know that’s not a flaw, that’s just how some of us are. If they’re good people, they’ll get it.

Sarah M.BASIC

#3 · Mar 19

This is so normal, especially when you’re moving between two different family cultures. I’m in Denver and my wife’s family is super extroverted while mine is more reserved. For a long time I thought I was failing because I didn’t know how to act in both spaces. What fixed it for me was talking to my partner before we got there. Like, we’d agree on a signal if I needed a break, or if I wanted to leave early. Having that little backup made me way less tense.