Forums Language Barriers & Bilingual LoveMy gf’s mom talks fast in Spanish and I just sit there smiling like an idiot lol

My gf’s mom talks fast in Spanish and I just sit there smiling like an idiot lol

DeAndre W.

16 posts

DeAndre W.

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, and she’s from a big Puerto Rican family in Queens. I’m Black and from Atlanta, and honestly the culture stuff has been pretty easy compared to the language stuff. I took Spanish in high school but I was one of those kids who could barely order food, so yeah... not exactly fluent. Last weekend was my first time going to her mom’s house for Sunday dinner, and it was so sweet but also kinda stressful. Her mom kept asking me questions in Spanish and my girlfriend would translate some of it, but not everything because the family was all talking over each other and laughing. I was trying to follow along and just kept nodding at the wrong times like a fool. Her little cousin even looked at me and said, “He understands nothing,” which made everybody laugh, including me. I really want to make an effort because I can tell it matters to them, especially her mom. I’ve been using Duolingo every day and watching random Spanish TikToks, but I feel like I’m stuck on basic stuff. For people who’ve been through this, how did you get better without feeling embarrassed all the time? Also, any tips for surviving family gatherings when you’re still learning?

Mar 15

201

3 replies

Keisha L.

#1 · Mar 15

Lol been there. My wife’s family is Dominican and the first year I spent a lot of dinners just smiling and saying “sí, sí” like I knew what was happening. The good thing is they noticed I was trying, and that mattered more than being perfect. What helped me most was learning the little stuff first — greetings, food words, family stuff, jokes. Not full textbook Spanish, just the everyday phrases they actually use. Her abuela still laughs at my accent, but now she laughs WITH me instead of at me, so that’s progress.

Rachel KimBASIC

#2 · Mar 15

Honestly, don't be afraid to be the funny outsider for a while. If you’re respectful and keep showing up, most families warm up. My husband’s Vietnamese family used to switch to English when they saw I was lost, but I started learning phrases to say hello, thank you, and “the food is amazing,” and that made a big difference. Also, ask your girlfriend to teach you 3-5 phrases a week that her mom actually uses. That way you’re not learning random app sentences about an apple being under the table lol.

Keisha L.

#3 · Mar 17

I think the fact that you care is already huge. My boyfriend is Japanese American and my mom speaks mostly Tagalog, and they had the same awkward phase. Now they have their own little routine where he says “kumain na po kayo?” before dinner and my mom gets all excited. One thing: don’t put pressure on yourself to understand everything right away. Family gatherings are chaos even when you do speak the language. Just keep being present, and the language will come slower than you want but faster than you think.