Forums Consent, Boundaries & Lifestyle FitMet someone on Hinge and the vibe is great but I’m getting weird about the pace

Met someone on Hinge and the vibe is great but I’m getting weird about the pace

Rachel Kim

BASIC

12 posts

Rachel KimBASIC

I’ve been talking to this guy I matched with on Hinge for about 3 weeks now. He’s in Chicago too, super easy to talk to, and we’ve gone out twice already. He’s Black, I’m Latina, and I honestly like him a lot, but I’m realizing we might be moving at different speeds and I don’t want to ignore that just because the chemistry is there. We kissed on the second date and after that he started asking if I was “prude” because I said I didn’t want to go back to his place yet. He laughed it off, but it stuck with me. I’m not against hookups or anything, I just need a little more trust first, and I’ve had enough dating situations go sideways to know I need to listen to my gut. He hasn’t pushed hard, but the comments are making me second-guess whether we’re actually compatible or if he just wants something more casual than I do. How do y’all usually handle this early on without making it weird? I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to keep dating someone who low-key thinks my boundary is a joke.

Mar 12

150

2 replies

Tyler R.

#1 · Mar 12

Honestly, I think you already noticed the important part. The issue isn’t that he asked to go back to his place, it’s the “prude” comment. Even if he was joking, that’s not a great sign when you’re trying to set a normal boundary. I’ve had to do the same thing with guys from Bumble and Feeld, and what helped was saying it super plainly: “I like you, but I’m not doing physical stuff unless I feel comfortable.” The right person won’t make you defend that. If he gets weird again, I’d take that as your answer.

Lisa NakamuraPREMIUM

#2 · Mar 13

I get why you’re hesitating, but I also think some people are just clumsy about flirting and don’t realize how comments land. Not excusing it, just saying it might be worth one direct conversation before you cut it off. You could say something like, “When you called me prude, it made me uncomfortable. I need you to respect my pace.” If he responds well, cool. If he gets defensive or keeps testing it, then you know he’s not your guy. For me, that kind of check early saves a lot of mess later.