ForumsNavigating In-Laws & Family AcceptanceHow do you build trust with a partner’s family when they don’t speak much English?
How do you build trust with a partner’s family when they don’t speak much English?
I’m kind of stuck and would love some advice from people who’ve been through it. I’ve been with my girlfriend Amina for a little over a year, and her family is from Morocco. I’m a white guy from Philly, and her parents are polite to me but it’s always through her or her brother translating, which makes me feel a little useless sometimes. They invite me to things, but I can tell there’s still some hesitation, especially from her dad.
We had dinner with them in Jersey City for Eid and I brought pastries from this little bakery I like, which her mom loved, but her dad barely looked at me. Amina says he’s traditional and it takes time, especially because she’s the oldest daughter and this is her first serious relationship. I get that, but I also don’t want to come off like I’m waiting around for approval forever. I’ve been learning a few Arabic phrases and trying to be respectful, but I’m not sure if that’s enough or if I should be doing more.
My biggest worry is that I’ll always be on the outside. I don’t need everybody to be best friends with me, but I do want them to feel like I’m not just some random guy passing through. For people who’ve built relationships across language and culture barriers, what actually made the difference? Was it consistency, gifts, helping out, learning the language, all of it?
Mar 10
54
3 repliesS
Sarah M.BASICAs someone who dated a man whose parents only spoke Spanish and I barely knew any at the time, I’d say keep showing up and let Amina translate some of the emotional stuff too. You don’t have to carry the whole thing alone. The partner in the middle is usually the bridge, not just the interpreter.
One thing that helped me was asking my boyfriend for specific feedback after family visits. Like, “Did I seem rude?” or “Was there a moment I missed?” It kept me from spiraling and made him more aware of where the tension actually was.
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Andre M.PREMIUMConsistency matters more than the perfect gift, for real. My wife’s family is Haitian and I was the awkward one at first because my Creole was trash and I kept overthinking everything I said. But showing up every single time, helping set up chairs, cleaning up after dinner, remembering birthdays and little details — that stuff built trust way faster than trying to impress them.
Also, don’t underestimate the power of learning just enough of the language to show respect. Even if it’s basic, people notice when you’re trying. It won’t fix everything overnight, but it tells them you’re not lazy about their world.
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Andre M.PREMIUMI think you’re probably doing more right than you realize. Coming from a family where English wasn’t the main language, I can tell you parents often watch how you act way more than what you say. Are you patient? Do you listen? Do you help without being asked? That’s the stuff that sticks.
Also, please don’t put all the pressure on yourself to “win” them. Sometimes it takes time no matter what. My mom didn’t fully relax around my husband until like year two, and now she asks him to bring her coffee when he visits lol.
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