Forums Couple Safety & Navigating HostilityGot weird looks in a small town and I’m not sure how to handle it

Got weird looks in a small town and I’m not sure how to handle it

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12 posts

My girlfriend and I drove up to Ashland, KY last weekend to visit a friend and grab lunch, and it was the first time I really felt like we were being openly clocked as a couple. I’m Black, she’s white, and usually in Louisville or Lexington nobody cares. But out there, people were staring way too long in the gas station, and one older guy at the diner kept making these little comments like, “Oh, is this your friend?” even after we said we were together. It wasn’t threatening exactly, just uncomfortable and kind of hostile in a passive way. We ended up leaving earlier than planned because it was getting to my girlfriend too. I’m trying to figure out what the best move is in places like that. Do you just ignore it and keep it moving, or is there a way to shut it down without escalating? Also curious if anyone has advice for road trips through rural areas, because we’ve got another one coming up through southern Illinois and I don’t want us to feel on edge the whole time.

4d ago

113

2 replies

Keisha L.

#1 · 4d ago

I’m in a mixed couple too, and I think there’s a difference between “awkward” and “unsafe.” The diner situation sounds more awkward, but I still get why you both wanted out. We had a rough stop in rural Tennessee once where the clerk kept following us around the store and asking if we needed help every 2 minutes, and it felt like he was checking whether we were stealing or just trying to make us uncomfortable. What helped us was having a simple plan before we walk in anywhere: one person stays near the door if possible, phones charged, car keys already in hand, and if either of us says “let’s go,” we go. No debate. My wife also keeps the state non-emergency number saved, and I keep a screenshot of our route and hotel confirmations just in case. Hopefully you won’t need any of that, but it made us feel less trapped.

Ben O'ConnorPREMIUM

#2 · 3d ago

We’ve had almost the exact same thing happen in small towns outside of Greenville, SC, and honestly the best thing we did was keep our answers short and boring. Like, no big explanation, no trying to educate anybody in the moment. If someone says “is this your friend?” I’ll just say, “No, this is my partner,” and then turn back to the menu or whatever. It sends the message without giving them an opening to keep poking. For road trips, I like to map stops ahead of time using Google Maps and also check reviews on the gas stations and diners, weirdly enough. It helps to know where the bigger chain stops are if you want somewhere less likely to be weird. If you ever feel off, trust that feeling and leave. You don’t owe strangers your comfort.