Forums Divorced & Dating Again InterraciallyGetting back out there after my divorce has been weirdly harder than I expected

Getting back out there after my divorce has been weirdly harder than I expected

David Okafor

13 posts

David Okafor

I’m 39, divorced for a little over a year, and trying to date again in Chicago has been its own thing. My ex is Black, I’m Latina, and we’ve got two kids together, so there’s already a lot going on with co-parenting and explaining life to people before we even get to the dating part. I thought I’d feel relieved once the divorce was final, but honestly I mostly felt rusty and a little embarrassed like I forgot how to be interesting to somebody new. I’ve been on Hinge and Bumble, and I keep getting matched with guys who either make the interracial part some weird fetishy thing or ask way too many questions about my ex and my kids on the first date. I’m not looking to rush into anything serious, but I do want someone who gets that my life is already full and isn’t weird about me having a Black ex and mixed kids. Has anyone else had to kind of rebuild their confidence from scratch after divorce? How do you even bring up co-parenting without sounding like your whole identity is just “mom with baggage”?

Mar 29

2 replies

Sarah M.BASIC

#1 · Mar 29

Girl, same on the rusty part. I got divorced at 41 and the first few dates felt like job interviews I didn’t apply for. One thing I started saying early on was, “I co-parent and my schedule is pretty locked down, so I’m looking for something low-drama and consistent.” It sounds simple, but it saved me from a lot of nonsense. Also, if someone gets weird about your ex or your kids right away, that’s not chemistry dying, that’s them showing you they’re not it.

Tyler R.

#2 · Mar 29

I’m in Atlanta and went through something similar after my split. What helped me was putting way more of my actual personality in my profile and less of the polished version I thought people wanted. I mentioned I like thrift stores, live music, and Saturday morning soccer games with my son, and that filtered out a bunch of dudes who wanted a fantasy, not a real woman. The right people won’t make your kids or your interracial history feel like a problem to be managed.