ForumsDating App Strategy & Racial BiasDo some guys just use filters on apps? Trying to date outside my race in Houston and feeling stuck

Do some guys just use filters on apps? Trying to date outside my race in Houston and feeling stuck

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connor odeaVIPADMIN
I’m a white guy in Houston and I’ve mostly dated women outside my race over the last few years, but on apps it feels like I’m hitting a wall. On Bumble and Hinge I’ll match with women I’m really into, usually Black or Asian women, and the convo goes well at first. Then I’ll notice they stop responding after a day or two, or they unmatch after asking where I’m from or what I do. I’m not offended by that, just trying to figure out if there’s something I’m missing in how I’m coming across. I don’t want to sound clueless, because I know racial bias goes both ways and people have their reasons for being cautious. I also know some apps let people filter or sort by race in sneaky ways, or at least people use cues to decide who’s “dateable” way faster than they admit. I’ve tried keeping my profile pretty normal — no weird selfies, more real-life pics, one with my dog, one at a festival in East Downtown — but maybe I’m giving off some vibe without realizing it. Has anyone had luck actually building genuine connections across race on apps, or is meeting in person just way better?
Mar 11
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1 replies
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Rachel KimBASIC
#1 · Mar 11
I’m in Seattle and I had the opposite problem — I’m Asian and kept getting people who matched but clearly only wanted to talk if I fit some stereotype. The biggest change for me was getting off the app loop and meeting people through shared stuff: salsa nights, book clubs, even a running group that meets in Capitol Hill. On apps, people filter fast and make assumptions before you even say hi. In person, there’s a little more room for personality to show up. If you do keep using apps, I’d say be consistent and don’t force the conversation. The right people won’t need you to perform some “safe” version of yourself just to keep chatting.
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