Forums Consent, Boundaries & Lifestyle FitDating styles don’t match and I’m not sure if I’m being too picky or just realistic

Dating styles don’t match and I’m not sure if I’m being too picky or just realistic

Lisa Nakamura

PREMIUM

15 posts

Lisa NakamuraPREMIUM

I’m starting to think I keep getting caught up with people who sound compatible on paper but aren’t really aligned with what I want. I’m in Atlanta, and I met this woman through Bumble who’s amazing in person, but she’s very into a more open, no-label kind of setup. I’m more old-school than I expected to be, which feels kind of embarrassing to admit because I thought I was flexible. The thing is, I’m not judging her at all. She’s honest, upfront, and says communication is everything. I respect that. But when we started talking about what dating means to us, I realized I want something slower and more exclusive. Not necessarily marriage tomorrow, just something that feels intentional. I don’t want to end up in a situation where I’m pretending to be cool with a style of relationship that actually makes me anxious. Has anyone else had to admit a person was great but the relationship style just wasn’t a fit? I keep wondering if I’m limiting myself too much or if this is exactly the kind of thing you’re supposed to figure out before feelings get deeper.

Mar 19

120

2 replies

connor odeaVIPADMIN

#1 · Mar 19

This is exactly the kind of thing you’re supposed to figure out early. You’re not being picky, you’re being honest about your needs. People act like “flexible” means you should be okay with anything, but that’s not how it works. I dated someone in Oakland who wanted an open relationship and I tried to convince myself I could handle it because I liked her so much. Didn’t work. I just got more stressed and weird about everything. Better to walk away while it’s still respectful than stay and resent the whole thing.

connor odeaVIPADMIN

#2 · Mar 20

I think a lot of us confuse chemistry with compatibility, especially when the person is attractive and easy to talk to. But if your values around exclusivity, pace, and emotional safety are different, that matters a lot. You’re not saying her way is wrong, just that it’s not your way. That’s actually pretty healthy. I’d trust the discomfort you’re feeling now, because it usually gets louder later, not quieter. And if you do keep seeing her, be careful not to let “maybe I can adjust” turn into ignoring your own boundaries.