Forums Mixed Race Identity & SupportDating as mixed race has been bringing up old stuff I didn’t expect

Dating as mixed race has been bringing up old stuff I didn’t expect

17 posts

I’m in NYC and I’ve been using Hinge for a few months, and dating has brought up way more identity stuff than I thought it would. I’m Black and Latina, and I keep running into guys who either make weird assumptions about what I “must be into” or they try to pin me down like I need to choose one side of myself for them. One guy literally asked if I “grew up more Black or more Spanish” on the first date. I just sat there like… bro, what? It’s making me realize I still have a weird relationship with being seen. Sometimes I want to explain my background because it matters to me, but other times I’m just tired of being somebody’s curiosity. Has anyone figured out how to talk about your identity while dating without making it feel like a whole interview? Or do you just wait and see if the person naturally gets it?

Mar 25

109

2 replies

Jasmine K.

#1 · Mar 25

I’d say trust your discomfort. If somebody’s making you feel like a topic instead of a person on date one, that usually doesn’t improve later. I’m mixed Asian and White, and I had to learn that I don’t owe strangers my whole family history just because they’re nosy. I keep it simple early on. If they’re respectful, I’ll share more over time. If they ask weird stuff right away, I take that as useful information and move on.

Tyler R.

#2 · Mar 27

I think it’s okay to bring it up, but on your terms. I’m Afro-Latina and my partner now is also mixed, and one thing that helped was saying upfront that my background is important to me, but I’m not going to do a whole identity presentation for every person I meet. The right person usually responds with curiosity that feels warm, not invasive. There’s a big difference between someone wanting to know you and someone wanting to categorize you.