Forums Latino / Hispanic InterracialDating a white guy and nobody warned me about the salsa comments 😂

Dating a white guy and nobody warned me about the salsa comments 😂

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15 posts

I’m Cuban-American and I’ve been seeing this guy from Phoenix for a little over 4 months. He’s white, super respectful, and honestly tries really hard with my family, which I appreciate. He even practiced saying my abuela’s name before dinner in Little Havana because he didn’t want to butcher it. That part was cute. But I swear every time we go out with my cousins, somebody has to joke about him not handling my mom’s cooking or ask if he knows how to dance bachata. It’s funny once, then it gets annoying. The bigger issue is I can tell he sometimes doesn’t know when to speak up. Like if someone makes a joke about me being “too loud” or “too spicy,” he just laughs awkwardly and changes the subject. I know he doesn’t mean anything bad, but I need him to have my back a little more. How do you tell someone that without sounding like you’re starting drama? Anyone else had to coach a partner on this stuff?

Mar 22

2 replies

DeAndre W.

#1 · Mar 22

Totally get this. I’m Mexican and my boyfriend is from Oregon, and he did the same awkward little laugh thing for months. He’s a good guy, but he grew up in a pretty quiet family where nobody said anything directly, so he froze when my relatives started joking around. I had to tell him straight up that silence can look like agreement, even if that’s not what he meant. I’d just say it plain to him in a calm moment, not right after a family comment. Something like, “I need you to back me up when people make dumb jokes, even if it’s just saying ‘hey, that’s not cool.’” Once my boyfriend understood it wasn’t about fighting every cousin at Thanksgiving, he got better.

Tyler R.

#2 · Mar 22

I’m in a Latino/white relationship too, and honestly the funniest part is how much people project stuff onto it. My boyfriend gets treated like some tourist who wandered into the wrong party, even though he’s been around my family in Queens for two years now. The “too spicy” and “salsa” jokes are old real fast, I feel you. What helped us was making a little code between us. If someone says something annoying, he knows to check in with me instead of laughing it off. And if I’m not in the mood to make a scene, I’ll just squeeze his hand and he’ll change the subject or say something small but supportive. It doesn’t have to be some big speech every time, but he does need to show he’s on your side.