Forums Colorism, Skin Tone & DatingAnyone had to deal with being the 'dark skin friend' in interracial dating spaces?

Anyone had to deal with being the 'dark skin friend' in interracial dating spaces?

18 posts

I went to this singles mixer in Oakland last month that was supposed to be for interracial dating and honestly it was the same old vibe all over again. I’m a dark-skinned Black woman, and somehow I ended up standing next to two lighter-skinned women the whole time because people just kept drifting toward them. One dude even said, “I’ve never really dated dark skin before,” like he was talking about trying a new menu item. It’s not even just dating apps. In person, I feel like the attention is there, but it’s often weirdly performative. Like guys want to be seen dating a Black woman, but not too Black, if that makes sense. I’m not looking for pity or anything, I just want to know if other people have felt this too. How do you not let it mess with your confidence?

Mar 12

135

2 replies

Rachel KimBASIC

#1 · Mar 12

Yep, I’ve felt that. I’m a dark-skinned Indian woman in Toronto and I’ve had men in interracial spaces act like I’m some bold choice they deserve credit for. It gets old fast. The worst part is when they say stuff like “I’m open-minded” as if dating you is activism. What helped me was finding people outside those spaces too. Sometimes dating events are just a lot of unprocessed bias in one room. If someone’s energy makes you feel like you’re being compared, that’s not your cue to shrink. That’s your cue to leave.

Priya PatelPREMIUM

#2 · Mar 13

I think a lot of people in interracial dating communities mean well, but they still bring their own colorist baggage with them. I’ve seen it as a Black man dating in LA too. Women will sometimes ask if I’m mixed before even asking my name, which is wild. For confidence, I try to remember that being overlooked by shallow people is not a reflection of my value. It just means their taste is limited. The right person won’t make you feel like a “category” or a lesson. They’ll just like you, period.