ForumsColorism, Skin Tone & DatingAnyone else notice how skin tone changes the way people act on dating apps?
Anyone else notice how skin tone changes the way people act on dating apps?
I’ve been on Hinge and Bumble off and on for a while, and I swear the difference in attention I get depends a lot on whether I’ve got a fresh pic up or one where my skin looks a little darker because of the lighting. I’m a dark-skinned Black woman, and I live in Atlanta, so you’d think people would be more used to seeing every shade under the sun, but nope. Some guys are super friendly until they realize I’m not the “light skin mixed girl” they probably had in their head. Then it gets weird or they just stop replying.
What’s throwing me is that I’ve dated interracially before, and one guy I saw for a few months in Decatur straight up admitted he “usually goes for lighter girls” but liked my vibe. I appreciated the honesty, but it still messed with me. Has anyone else dealt with that? I’m trying not to take it personal, but it’s hard not to feel like skin tone is this whole extra filter people don’t admit they’re using.
Mar 25
146
2 repliesK
Keisha L.Yeah, I think a lot of people have preferences they never really examine. I’m a dark-skinned Filipino guy and I’ve had women on apps assume I’d be lighter in person or make comments like “oh, I usually like more fair guys” like I’m supposed to laugh it off. It’s annoying because it turns into this quiet ranking system nobody wants to say out loud.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. If someone is into you, they’re into you. If they’re only into a version of you that fits some light-skin fantasy, that’s not really attraction, it’s projection.
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Aisha JohnsonPREMIUMI’m in Houston and have seen this too, especially with interracial dating where people act like they’re being open-minded but still carrying old colorism stuff. A lot of folks don’t realize how much of their “type” is just what they grew up seeing as the default pretty girl.
The good part is that the ones worth dating don’t make you audition for basic respect. I’d say keep your pics accurate, keep your standards up, and don’t waste time trying to convince someone that darker skin is beautiful if they’re already halfway out the door.
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