Anyone else feel weird bringing up race after 40?
I’m 43, recently divorced, and I’ve been dating on and off for about a year. I’m a white guy in Charlotte and I mostly date Black women because that’s just who I seem to connect with best. I met someone on Facebook Dating last month and we’ve been texting a lot, but I keep getting stuck on whether I should talk about race early or just not mention it unless it comes up naturally.
The last woman I dated told me she liked that I was comfortable being seen with her in public, which caught me off guard a little. We went to a brunch spot in Plaza Midwood and she said some guys she’d dated acted weird if friends were around. I never want to be that guy. I’m not trying to make race the focus, but I also don’t want to pretend it doesn’t matter at all. What do people actually do when they’re dating later in life and trying to be respectful without making it awkward?
Mar 14
153
2 repliesD
DeAndre W.I think the key is not to force a heavy race talk on date one unless there’s a real reason for it. If it comes up naturally, fine. If not, just be normal and see where things go. A lot of people over 40 have already had enough weird experiences that they can tell pretty fast if someone is being real or not.
I’m a 48-year-old Black woman in Philly, and what I notice is actions matter way more than speeches. Do you show up? Are you consistent? Are you comfortable going places that aren’t just “safe” or convenient for you? That tells me more than a 20-minute conversation about how open-minded you are.
M
Mike HernandezI actually think a little directness can help, as long as it doesn’t sound like a lecture. Something simple like, “I’m attracted to you and I want to make sure I’m respectful,” is enough sometimes. That leaves room for her to tell you what matters to her without making it this huge awkward topic.
I’m 55 and in Oakland, and I’ve dated interracially since my late 30s. The men who handled it best were relaxed about it. They didn’t act like race was taboo, but they also didn’t treat it like a kink or a talking point. Just be interested in her whole life, not just the part where you’re both different.
Sign in to reply to this thread.