Forums Divesting & Dating OutAnyone else feel like dating out gets easier once you stop making it a big deal?

Anyone else feel like dating out gets easier once you stop making it a big deal?

BASIC

12 posts

I used to think dating outside my race would feel like this huge thing, but honestly it’s gotten a lot more normal the more I’ve done it. I’m in Philly and over the last year I’ve dated a white guy, a Korean woman, and now I’ve been seeing a Dominican dude I met on Bumble. None of it happened on purpose, it just kinda happened as I opened up my preferences and stopped swiping like I had some strict rulebook. What surprised me is that the hardest part isn’t the race stuff, it’s the same stuff as any dating situation: communication, timing, effort, and whether the person is actually available. I had a great connection with somebody from South Philly and then found out he was still hung up on his ex, so all the “different background” stuff ended up being irrelevant. Curious if other people had that same experience where the race part became less important than the usual dating mess.

Mar 28

2 replies

Ben O'ConnorPREMIUM

#1 · Mar 28

Yep, totally. I think people make it way more complicated than it has to be. I’m in Oakland and after a while I realized the stuff that makes a relationship work is pretty universal: honesty, attraction, and whether you can actually enjoy each other’s company. The race thing matters in the sense that people bring different family dynamics and experiences, but it doesn’t have to be this giant obstacle every time. Also, the more relaxed you are, the more natural it feels. I’ve had better dates since I stopped treating interracial dating like a separate category and just started treating people like individuals.

Aisha JohnsonPREMIUM

#2 · 6d ago

I’m gonna be a little different here and say it depends on where you live. I’m in a smaller city outside Columbus, and dating out still feels noticeable because people stare, ask nosy questions, or assume stuff. So for me it’s not always just “regular dating.” There’s extra noise sometimes, especially if you’re out with someone at a bar or around their family. That said, I do agree that the actual relationship stuff is the same. If anything, dating out made me better at not rushing into things just because the vibe was cute. You end up paying more attention to character, which is probably a good thing anyway.