Forums Interracial Dating & AdviceAnybody else get weird reactions when you’re the interracial couple at the gym or store?

Anybody else get weird reactions when you’re the interracial couple at the gym or store?

Chris Tanaka

14 posts

Chris Tanaka

Me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year. I’m Mexican American and he’s Nigerian, and we live in Houston. Most of the time we’re fine, but every now and then people do the weirdest little double takes when we’re out together. It’s not even always rude comments, sometimes it’s just this awkward staring like we’re something they didn’t expect to see in Target or at the gym. The last time it happened was at a Planet Fitness near Midtown. We were just grabbing water after a workout and this older lady kept looking at us, then smiled super hard at him and asked if he was “from Africa Africa.” He laughed politely, but after we left he said he gets tired of people acting like he’s a tourist in his own life. I didn’t know what to say besides yeah, that was weird. How do you all deal with that kind of low-key nonsense without turning every outing into a confrontation?

Mar 13

2 replies

Tyler R.

#1 · Mar 13

Yeah, that stuff is exhausting. I’m a Black woman and my fiancé is Filipino, and we get the staring thing a lot when we’re in smaller towns outside Chicago. It’s usually not one huge racist moment, just a bunch of tiny ones that add up. I used to ignore it, but now I’ll sometimes just hold eye contact back with a little polite smile. Funny enough, that usually makes people look away real fast. As for the comments, I think it depends on your energy that day. If I’m feeling patient I’ll answer briefly and move on. If not, I’ll just say “He’s from Houston” or “We’re just shopping” and keep it pushing. You don’t owe random people a whole educational moment every time they get nosy.

James T.

#2 · Mar 13

I’ve found it helps to have a little shared script with your partner so you’re not both standing there like, now what. I’m Indian and my wife is white, and when people ask stupid questions we usually default to one of us giving a short answer while the other stays calm and keeps the vibe moving. It sounds small, but it keeps the mood from getting derailed. Also, not every weird look needs a response. Some people are just nosey, some are ignorant, and some are genuinely clueless. If it’s safe and not worth the energy, sometimes the best move is to finish your errand, laugh about it later, and not let somebody in the aisle at Kroger ruin your whole day.