Any Blasian couples here with family drama? Need some advice
I’m a 28F Black woman dating a Korean American guy, and things with us are honestly great. We met at a mutual friend’s birthday in LA, then kept talking on Instagram, and now we’ve been together about 8 months. He’s sweet, respectful, and his family has been nice to me overall, but there’s still this weird tension sometimes, mostly from his aunties and older relatives. They don’t say anything outright rude, but I can feel the staring and the little comments about food, hair, and whether I can cook Korean stuff.
My own family is happy for me, but they also joke a lot and ask if I’m sure he gets my humor and my side of things. He does, mostly, but I’m realizing cross-cultural stuff gets tiring when it’s not just about the two of you. How do Blasian or AMBW couples deal with family stuff without making every gathering feel like a test? I really love him and don’t want outside stuff to wear us down.
Mar 28
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2 repliesS
Sarah M.BASICMe and my wife went through something similar. I’m Asian, she’s Black, and at first both families were trying to be polite while also being kinda nosy and weird. What helped us was setting a standard early that we’d address stuff together, not let one person take all the pressure. If someone made a comment, the other would jump in instead of leaving it hanging.
For example, when my uncle asked my wife if she knew how to make rice “the Asian way,” I just said, “She doesn’t need to prove anything here.” Simple, not dramatic. After a while, people adjusted because they saw we weren’t going to play along with the awkwardness.
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DeAndre W.I’m Blasian and married, and honestly the family stuff never fully disappears, it just gets easier to handle when you stop trying to win everybody over. Some relatives are gonna be curious, some are gonna be ignorant, and some are just slow to warm up. You can’t control that.
What did help me was picking my battles. If it’s a little comment about food or hair, I decide whether it’s worth answering or if I can just redirect. But if it crosses into disrespect, I speak up right away. Also, if your guy is solid, he should be the one helping create that boundary with his family, not leaving you to deal with it alone.
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